SUNDAY 8th FEBRUARY

SLEEP!!! All I've wanted to do this week is SLEEP!!
I'm so tired from cutting back and piling up the cuttings after the storm last Monday. We have such a big place here FULL OF bushes, small trees and a couple of large ones, all natives and they NEVER STOP GROWING!!! BAH!!! A mini RAINFOREST! I can't afford to get someone in any more to do all this hard stuff for me.

I suppose I should be thankful the we didn't suffer any REAL damage like so many
thousands of people these past couple of week... I AM thankful but still sick of all the
work this place generates. I never thought I'd ever say it.... but I need a man around the place *S* A couple of years ago I could have handled it, no problem, but since this trouble with my feet and ankles I get frustrated and grumpy.

I can spend hours in the garden, exhausting myself and when I come indoors... what do
I hear from my mother???? "What's for dinner?" DINNER!!! Who damn well cares!!
So to save arguements I make dinner... then she complains about my falling asleep as
soon as I sit down in front of the TV.

Lately she's done nothing but complain... about everything. She can't help me outdoors
because she gets eaten alive with moquitoes... I bought her repellant!!! They find places
on her that she's missed spraying! She gets bitten in her bed at night and is blaming
the Cat from Hell. Well... the CFH sleeps on my bed with me sometimes and I NEVER
get bitten with anything.

She got some perfume last week and tells me it burns her skin... she showed me her
shoulders last night ... I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking at, they looked fine to me.. she said the skin was burning!!

She complained about the growth of the plants down the side of the house...
"no fresh air can get inside because they're too high!" So I cut them all to 3' tall.
She complains about the blooms on one of the trees at the back... she can't breathe
when it's out in bloom... I should cut it down!!! That's her answer for everything....
CUT IT DOWN!!! We had a beautiful tree that smelled like almonds when it was out in bloom. Well... it 'mysteriously' died! It's now an 'eyesore'. She denies poisoning it... but I know better. We got some tree poison a couple of years ago when I had 2 gum trees removed from the front of the house and I know she has it hidden away somewhere.

She complains about the weight I've put on since the problems with my feet. So I shouldn't buy any junk food because we'll only eat it. So this week I didn't buy any biscuits (cookies), potato chips, soft drinks, etc.... Now she's telling me I should BAKE SOME COOKIES!!! She needs something sweet!!! I can't win!

Why do I have a wardrobe full of clothes that don't fit me???? I should give them all to Charity!!! These are all fashionable, good outfits that cost MONEY and she wants me to give them away!!! I keep hoping to lose a few pounds so I can fit in to them again... If I gave them away and DID lose weight... I'd have to spend money replacing them.

Then there's Jared.... everytime he does or doesn't do something... I should take care of it! "Tell him to get a shower!"... "Tell him to clean his teeth!"... "Tell him to get his homework done!"..... "I thought you were going to do his "tables" with him!"
"Aren't you going to collect him from his grandma's?!"........ "Why don't YOU take him
fishing?!!!"... "WE should spend more time with him." (and when I make arrangements
to do something with him... she decides SHE can't go... doesn't feel well enough!)
"What's for dinner???"

It goes on and on and on. The "What's for dinner?" question is the one that riles me the most. Every bloody night... the same question! I say... what would you like???
Answer: "I don't care" The whatever I make she leaves half of it... doesn't like this or doesn't like that!" "You know I don't like quiche"... "You know I don't like much meat".... "Chicken again?????",,,, "I don't like pasta!" "Whatever you're making.. I don't want much!" Why don't you make fettuccini? I like that." (When I do make fettuccini she has to have it cooked for an hour otherwise it's TOO HARD to eat!!!)
"Why don't you buy pine nuts any more?" (At almost $5 for 100 grams... I refuse!)
I'm not penny-pinching... but I'm not stupid either!!

I DO love my mother.... but she's become such a damned nag she makes it so hard.
She likes to travel.... well with my feet... I wouldn't be allowed on a plane any more.
She's the only one in the world with aches and pains! I told her she should get on the NET and make a few friends... then she'd find out she's not the only one with aches and pains.... there are others a lot worse off.

I say something and I have to repeat it a couple of times.... so I shout to save myself repeating... she tells me there's no need to shout! I'm always shouting!! I'm always in a lousy mood...... I wonder why????????

Sometimes I wish I lived by myself!

I don't get to be a Grandmother to Jared. Grandmothers look forward to having their
grandchildren come to visit and plan special times for them. I'm too busy being Mother
and Father to Jared.... I don't have that luxury!

He told me today that I was the best Mother he could wish for! (I'm crying). I love him so much..... but I don't want to be his mother.... I want to be his NANNY (Grandma).
Mind you... he told me this after being grounded this weekend because he threw a
'hissy fit' about his homework last Thursday. He hates his mother. The less he sees of
her the better as far as he's concerned. He makes sure he's gone from his other Grandma's place before she comes to collect his brothers.

He's trying to make a Go-Cart this week. Trying to get me to help. What do I know about building Go-carts????? ZILCH! So he's been fence hopping *S* He got our neighbour at the back to cut out the wood for him. (He's the neighbour whose kids have moved back to Sydney with their Mum). He's been a real treasure.. he and his brother helped Jared a lot this weekend.

I remembered I have a DIY book somewhere which probably has instructions on building Go-carts.... but it's in a box in the garage. So yesterday afternoon I tried to find the boxes with the books. I had to move desks and heavy boxes Jason dumped everywhere in the garage before I could get to them. By that time it was getting dark. So Jared agreed to let me leave it until today. Besides I need more heavy garbage bags to cover the boxes again after I open them to keep the vermin out.

My back was aching and my temper frayed because there's no room to move any more!!!
Thanks to Jason and his junk! I'm going to dismantle ALL the desks so I can move around and find stuff. I can't even get to the pool chemicals because Jason has desks
and bookcases in front of the cupboard containing them. I can't get to any tools for the same reason. AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET GRUMPY!!!!

I'm sorry this is full of bitching.... but that's just how I feel right now.
Maybe things will improve as the month progresses.... I can only hope *S*

I forgot to say.... Jared mowed the front lawns for me yesterday *S* He got it right this time... no missed bits. He didn't ask to be paid for doing it either *S* Maybe I should ground him more often (grin)... then he'd be around to help at the weekends instead of being a kid and playing with his brothers *S*

I just hope his father doesn't disappoint him again.... I don't have much faith.

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SUNDAY FEBRUARY 22ND 2004

Still in the garden..... never ending.... so I decided to CUT BACK instead of trimming.
My hands were sore from the chopping with the clippers...
Last Thursday week, when I went to collect Jared from school, his teacher wanted to talk to me about a 'problem' with Jared.... well I'd just spent the day hacking away in the garden, tired, hot and frustrated... so the tears started to flow... I didn't need any more to add to my list of problems. He thought he'd upset me (the teacher).. I assured him that wasn't so and told him what my problem was..... He told me he'd bring in an electric trimmer that would make the work easier for me and that we could talk about Jared before school the next day.

Friday... he forgot the trimmer!! *S* But we still talked about Jared, with Jared present. I believe in saying things about Jared to his face then there's no question about anything afterwards. Apparently he'd been calling one of the new boy's names.. this is so out of character for Jared.... It seems that this new boy called him names first (d***head, and faggot). This isn't language Jared uses... he's sick of his brother's swearing and didn't think he'd have to put up with it at school as well. So he retaliated calling the boy a 'bubble head' and was caught by the teacher. Of course the teacher wasn't around when the new boy swore at Jared.... was he.... so Jared got into trouble and tried to explain what had happened and of course the new boy denied everything.

So I said to the teacher... "Have you ever had this problem with Jared before?"
He said no.. and that it wasn't like Jared....
To which I responded that maybe he should be taking care "of business" with the guilty
source... since this never happened last year.

Jared's no angel... but thankfully he doesn't swear. Have heard no more about the matter and Jared hasn't said that the boy is still bugging him. So... hopefully that's the end of that. This is what I mean about not being JUST a grandmother.... why is this MY
responsibility... while my son is organising HIS life on the other side of the world??????

His teacher brought in the trimmer on the Monday following. I spent the weekend cutting grass in the sweltering heat. Got up at 5:30am to take Jared to the skate park on Sunday at 6:30am (the only time ruffians aren't there) then I dropped him off at his other Grandma's.

Spent the week trimming (in the mornings..) The temperatures got higher and higher with
every day that passed, up to yesterday when it was 36C (97F) and about 90% humidity.
I wore myself out and spent a day and a half in and out of bed..... aching back... but by
Friday afternoon I had all the hard stuff done and returned the trimmer with huge
gratitude. I'd still be chopping away if I hadn't had that to help me.

Now my damned phone is disconnected.... a fault in the line I was told!! Just what I need
when I have PSP classes going on. Everyone is going to think I'm ignoring them... which
just isn't true. It was on for about 5 minutes this morning and went off again.... I hear
'clicking' as I sit and write this so... I guess they're working on it... but still nothing.

When I rang the phone company yesterday... they said it wouldn't be fixed until Monday.. late!!! We'll I threw a fit....!!!!
THREE DAYS to fix a phone line!!!!!!
"Don't YOU have ANYONE working over the weekend??????"
"Yes.. but they're all booked out"
"Well... this makes for a good case to CHANGE PHONE COMPANIES... DOESN'T IT?!"
Then he asked me to write down a number... I told him...
"I'm in a damned public phone box.... where am I going to get a pen or pencil!!!!
What's the number for anyway?!!!"
It was a service (job) number, so that if the phone was fixed earlier, I could call the
company and advise them that there was no need for them to turn up on Monday.
"Why would I have to do THAT????? Wouldn't THEY know THEMSELVES that the job
had been taken care of???????????" This is the 21st century..... do they need
acknowledgement that they have actually done something??!!!! I don't have anything to
write down the number so you'll just have to work it out for yourselves!!!!!!."
I hung up on him!!!!

There's still clicking going on.... I might get lucky... huh????

*****************************************************

I know what you're all thinking *S*
Lord... she never stops bitching!! RIGHT???? LOL!!!

WELL Hallelujah!!!! I just received a call from the company who own the telephone lines... Telstra.... (not the company who sends me the bill) they've been working on the line all morning and finally found the fault.... all is OK now. Told the guy he was "wonderful" and thanked him *S*

So maybe my screaming at the Optus ( the company who bills me) guy yesterday helped...
who knows.... if I'd just shut up and accepted the fact it would take 3 days than perhaps
I'd still be waiting.

*****************************************************

SUNDAY 29th FEBRUARY

Ah... only a week since I wrote here....
I'm trying to think of something good that happened this week for a change LOL!!!

This isn't good.... it scared the Hell out of me....
I was coming back from dropping Jared off at school (Monday) and suddenly it felt like
the car was changing gears by itself..... Lord... I prayed that I'd just be able to get home!
I made it... and phoned the guy who used to service my car.... because I trust him...
(he only does transmissions now). I took the car to his place of work... he took it for a drive.. it didn't happen for him... but he said the car needs a good tune up and probably a new fuel filter. He suspects the fuel filter caused the problem. So he recommended someone... my car is there at the moment... get it back after lunch. I drove it all week and it never happened again... thank God.

Spent the rest of the week (mornings) dragging all the cuttings to add to the pile at the
front of the house. I got quotes for removal... between $50 and $90!! So yesterday I
chopped it up and put it in our own trailer (with Mum's help *S*) and took one load to the tip. They're not open until next weekend and it looks like I might have 3 or 4 more trailer loads to go. I haven't driven with a trailer for months..... I could have done with Jason being around!!!!! Any idea how hard it is to steer a trailer in reverse????????
I think the guy at the dump thought I was an idiot!! He'd have been right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn't matter what I did.. it went the WRONG way! LOL!!! I couldn't get out of the bloody place!! (Pardon the language). I was in a sweat!! He was heading towards me when I finally managed to get the car headed in the right direction. I should have backed the trailer up to where I was supposed to dump the cuttings.... but I didn't because there were too many MEN around and I didn't want to make a fool of myself.... RIGHT!!!!! Luckily they were all gone when I got into trouble trying to get out of the place. *S*

Now. Jared decided this past week that he wanted to go to a school friend's place at the weekend because he has a Motor X track on their property!!! Jared has a motor bike called a Peewee 50. He's always had his Dad around when he's used it before.
He wanted ME to load it on the trailer and take him to the friend's place!!!
Gimme a break!!!!!!! It might be a "Peewee' but I don't have the strength to lift it!!
I thought I'd get out of the problem because we didn't know what kind of fuel it used.....
HE RANG HIS DAD IN HOLLAND!!!! ...STUPID gave him all the info he needed
(I'll kill him!!!!!). So Jared nagged me all week... I was totally sick of it! I didn't want him to take it to his friend's place anyway because I didn't want him riding unsupervised.
Would he listen....NO! NAG... NAG.... NAG!!!! He about drove me nuts!


Came the weekend and he was going to go whether I liked it or not..... he didn't get the friend's phone number... the friend rang him..... but because there was such a problem about the fuel.. we argued about it.... he decided in a fit of temper to forget it... thank God!! Then he decided he could go and take his pushbike.... BUT he didn't have the
phone number so he couldn't phone and make arrangements!!!!
I told him half a dozen times...'get the phone number and address!!!'... did he listen..????
NO!

It cost me $15 for the can and the fuel on Friday... when we found out it was the right fuel (Sunday night... thanks to his Dad!) Jared said he'd go next weekend and wanted to fill the tank NOW... well... it was on for young and old!!! WHY ME???? LOL!!!
I told him I wanted the money for the fuel HE insisted on getting.... 'no way'.. he said.
So I told him.... no money... no fuel! ROFL!!!
He hates parting with HIS money!! I'm NOT looking forward to this week!!
Maybe he'll do something wrong so I can GROUND him..... LOL!!!!


You'd think Jason would have had more sense. He knows I know nothing about motor bikes and that I sure wouldn't be interested in letting him go somewhere unsupervised. I couldn't supervise him even if I wanted to... which I DON'T!

*******************************************

At least the weather has let up this week... the temps are still high BUT the humidity has
dropped. I hope it's permanent!

We're starting to get Kudos from the students in the PSP classes. One told me she thought this was the best class she'd ever been in... even in comparison to the one's she'd PAID FOR!! So that made me feel good *S*


I have a feeling my mother has plans for me.... loading the HUGE pile of cuttings into the trailer next week... I can sense these things *S* Just hope it cools down first.


PHOTOS

MARCH 2004


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